Appreciation
As most of you know, I plan to start weaning Adlai next week. I’m not sure yet how I’ll go about it. I plan to stop pumping on his birthday as a present to myself but traveling over Christmas might be less stressful with an established routine. A good portion of me is thrilled by the idea of not nursing anymore; it hasn’t been an easy or fun experience. But, as much as I bemoan nursing, I’ve become used to being depended upon. A good portion of every day is devoted to figuring out how much we have, how much we need, if I’m making enough or will have to add another session, cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning, and organizing and sitting. I have spent an average of three hours every day for the past 359 days feeding Adlai; that’s over 1000 hours which is like 45 continuous days.
Giving up that commitment is difficult. Not having Adlai need me for sustenance is incredibly freeing and overwhelmingly sad.
Adlai, however, is unintentionally making the process a bit easier. For the past several days, after his morning nursing, he leans back and lets out a satisfied “Ahhhhh!” And then, with a big smile, he looks into my eyes, raises out his arms and says his favorite phrase: “Ank you!”