Simon Turns Four! (An Update)
Dear Simon,
Today is a big day in your life (or so you think). You're four years old. You've dreaded this day coming for the past two months so, after today, I hope you'll realize that we love you just as much right now as we did yesterday. And tomorrow? Tomorrow we'll love you even more. You'll always be our baby no matter how tall you grow, how much you take care of yourself, how old you become, or how far you travel. And, yes, I know I ended your blog, but you're a year older and someone needs to give you the highlights of the past year. Here it goes...
You're four! Holy cow.
As far as your life goes, this was the year of stability or, at least, more stability. You started out the year as a three-year-old visiting family in Texas and made your way over to a Disney vacation in Florida and then on to Massachusetts before landing in our new home. Maybe that doesn't sound so stable but hey, we've been here ever since and we didn't even move "permanently" across the country once.
You immediately took to the new place (although, for a while, every time we passed our temporary apartment you asked to go back "home"). Your bedroom is the best room in the house - the only room with a big bright window. And the house has two yards! You've spent lots of time outside in our yards over the past year. When friends came over you would entice them to run in circles in the front. And no one (except your Grandparents) would believe me if I recounted all the hours you've spent swinging on the tree swing in the back. For your birthday this year, you recieved the most magnificent play structure. This purchase has caused us a lot of angst. You fell madly and deeply in love with the structures at the store but putting it in meant putting a lot of money into the yard - something we were not quite ready to do. You'll notice that your parents are cheap and have a problem spending money - except when you fall in love with something. Please use this information wisely.
Besides being outside, your interests this year have included learning about space and nature, hearing about princesses (the kind that are pretty as well as interesting), maps, music, ball games, books and art and writing, pretending for hours with your stuffed friends, swimming, asking "why" and "how", cooking and spending time with adults. You're still much more interested in adult gadgets and pretending than all the bazillion toys we own. You eat like a horse and you've expanded your repertoire of food a great deal to the point where you will try almost everything (if it looks reasonably edible) and sometimes you are pleasantly surprised by the results. "Meatlow" was an eye opening experience; if we tell you something is "like meatlow," you're much more trusting of the results.
You've been going to school two days a week since late August and you've loved every minute of it. Your friends Calvin and Skye were already in the class, so it took you negative two seconds to adjust to the routine. Apparently you and Calvin caused quite a stir in the beginning but, as the year progressed, those smart teachers found ways of lowering the noise level of class by suggesting you sit separately. I don't know what happens to your brain when you come into contact with your three year old friends. You shriek and dance and run and jump and then we get a call from the school to learn that you've passed out on their welcome mat, AGAIN. Until a few months ago, sleep was a continuous problem. We gave up giving you a nap last August because we were tired of you staying up past our bedtimes but without a nap you became belligerent by the early afternoon. Given an hour or two of crazy-tired behavior you'd bounce right back into normal Simon mode but it was really hard to deal with you in crazy-tired mode. (See the time you got angry and decided to run away.)
I think one of the things that defines you as a person is that there is no way that you will ever be overwhelmed by having too many people paying attention to you. Oh you'll pretend to be shy for a minute or two and then WHAM out comes the real Simon: the comedian, the aggressive hugger, the inquisitor. We can take you anywhere and you'll find friends in a matter or moments but sometimes, especially when the kids are older, they reject you and it is very hard to watch. At school you've had some problems with being too gregarious - in combination with your large stature, some kids have found you overwhelming.
But parents of kids at school frequently tell us how their daughters talk about you incessantly. We have an enormous collection of your art projects (art is your favorite subject) AND we have a large collection of art that has been bestowed upon you by your girlfriends. Girlfriends, at three! On some days you are going to marry both Tessa and Lisa and then you run into an attractive twelve year old somewhere and you find yourself drawn to her. That is until you see Elissa, our horticulturalist. Elissa is the end all and be all of women. She has tools, she is super strong, she isn't afraid of walking stoically through sprinklers, and she is so very very knowledgeable about plants and dirt. It makes me proud to watch you woo her at every opportunity. I hope, twenty to thirty years from now, you find an Elissa of your own. I'm pretty sure this Elissa isn't interested.
We bought a couple of child rearing books this past year to help us work through some "issues" and both of them were targeted toward the parents of "strong willed" children. It was actually refreshing to have a label for you: strong-willed. We were tired of comparing you to your friends and coming up with "WHY THE HECK DOESN'T HE JUST LISTEN LIKE ___ OR DRESS HIMSELF LIKE ___ OR USE THE TOILET LIKE PRACTICALLY EVERY OTHER KID WE KNOW?" The problem is that you don't feel subservient to us *at all* or to your teachers or grandparents. No, you do things because you WANT to do them and convincing you that we are in charge and you must do things you don't want to do has been particularly painful this past year. Sometimes we can make a game out of the activity but mostly we have to offer two warnings before a time out to make you stop and listen. We've also learned that we really can't force you to do things and, for the most part, you could care less about incentives. This all came to a head after Adlai was born and you decided if we were going to "replace" you, you were going to replace us. You even had Calvin's parents all picked out.
So whoever came up with the "terrible twos" had clearly not met a three-year-old like you (unless the "terrible twos" were followed by the "horrific threes"). I have convinced myself, however, that being strong-willed makes you a more interesting child and will make you a more interesting adult. How could it not? The self confidence and sheer determination it takes to maintain your opinions no matter how much pressure you endure from peers and those in authority is amazing.
Despite being occasionally difficult, most of the time you are very silly and sweet and incredibly polite. You're always trying to make us laugh. Recently you've started to recite the beginnings of your own jokes and ask us to make up a punch line. It has been a tradition this past year to put you to bed with a story of your own creation and these stories are inevitably about someone going out into the world to seek their fortune after falling out of a tree and landing on their head, having a name that is impossible to say, or experiencing some difficulty with their bowels. When one of us is having a bad day, you're quick to offer helpful suggestions (like going outside to play with you). You also frequently remind us how much we are loved with words as well as hugs and kisses. When you were mad at me the other day I took a break to be alone in our room. The door cracked open a bit and in came a hand offering me your prized treasure chest full of coins. I went over and passed a coin back under the door. A little hand silently passed the coin back. We did this for a while until I grabbed a piece of paper and drew a heart with your name and passed it under the door instead. The door opened and you gave me a big hug before running off to show Daddy the heart.
What has impressed me most about you this past year is how you took so quickly to your brother. Clearly you felt you were being replaced but your love for Adlai was instant and never wavered. You were there as we drove to the hospital and held my hand without letting go once as I was pushed in a wheel chair to Labor and Delivery. After dinner with your Grandparents, you returned to the hospital to meet and hold your new brother. The hardest part of the whole experience for me (besides the intense pain) was being away from you that night. That was the first night we'd ever spent apart and I think the significance was not lost on you.
You've been such a great big brother. You're patient and (mostly) gentle and eager to help. You love to kiss and hug Adlai and, from the very beginning, have been overheard telling him "You're my best friend." and "You're a dream come true!" and "Oh, my baby! I always wanted a baby." You hate having your picture taken unless I'm taking a picture of you AND your brother. Then you wrap your arms around the baby and smile as if he is your most prized possession. The other day you asked if we could have "MORE babies!" Ummm, no.
How can I sum this up? You're different and unexpected and crazy and that's what keeps our days (and, often nights) full and, when you are older and no longer living at home, we will entertain ourselves with endless stories of how we endured the wonderful adventures of Simon Lucas Kagle.
Happy Birthday!
Mama (and Daddy)
Simon Turns Three
Simon Turns Two
Simon Turns One
Simon's Birth Day